I never anticipated this maternal feeling taking over everything about me. It seems that everything I ever was, and ever wanted to be, has led to this. To be a mommy. How can it be that this tiny being that can't speak, and mainly only cries, eats poops, screams and poops some more, and is conscious perhaps 20% of the time, can have my heart so all encompassingly?
How is it that I never felt like a woman? Not in this way. I always knew this is what I wanted out of life. I knew fairly clearly that my life was to be a mother. But I never knew. I never imagined, that she would bring to me such a pure feeling of gender identity. I have worked so hard. Trying to be successful in school, and at work, and in this world in general. How could I have known that none of those feelings of satisfaction could compare to even the smallest satisfactions of motherhood. I hear her cry, and something inside of me clouds over anything that may have been in my mind, and the urge to comfort her and hold her is more overwhelming than any urge I have felt in this life so far. Once she is in my arms, the feeling of comforting her, and carressing her, is a greater feeling of accomplishment than anything I have ever felt.
How much do I love being a woman!? What a wonderful role to have been blessed with in life. What a wonderful path to the eternities! A road of loving, comforting, nurturing, holding, consoling, and teaching......I'll take it! Men can have their easy path into fatherhood....(.by easy I mean the fun part, and the not having any of the physical pain part!) I'll take it a thousand times over for my livy, for my family, to fulfill part of my role of womanhood. mmmmmmmmmm. I'll say it again. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
How is it that I never felt like a woman? Not in this way. I always knew this is what I wanted out of life. I knew fairly clearly that my life was to be a mother. But I never knew. I never imagined, that she would bring to me such a pure feeling of gender identity. I have worked so hard. Trying to be successful in school, and at work, and in this world in general. How could I have known that none of those feelings of satisfaction could compare to even the smallest satisfactions of motherhood. I hear her cry, and something inside of me clouds over anything that may have been in my mind, and the urge to comfort her and hold her is more overwhelming than any urge I have felt in this life so far. Once she is in my arms, the feeling of comforting her, and carressing her, is a greater feeling of accomplishment than anything I have ever felt. 
How much do I love being a woman!? What a wonderful role to have been blessed with in life. What a wonderful path to the eternities! A road of loving, comforting, nurturing, holding, consoling, and teaching......I'll take it! Men can have their easy path into fatherhood....(.by easy I mean the fun part, and the not having any of the physical pain part!) I'll take it a thousand times over for my livy, for my family, to fulfill part of my role of womanhood. mmmmmmmmmm. I'll say it again. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Isn't it great?! I'm glad you are doing so well at it because most new moms feel the opposite, overwhelmed and scared.
ReplyDeleteBeing a mom is the most challenging yet the most wonderful thing in the world.
I can't wait to see Livia in person! I hope you guys are going to Bear Lake this July. :)
She is such a cute little peanut. Being a mom is such a great thing, it is amazing how instantly those feelings come after having a little one. Some days you will wonder what you got yourself into but then as you are getting your child in trouble they turn and give you a hug and tell you they love you.
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